Life = Shit

                       Sometimes life is extremely difficult...its so difficult that it stresses me up like crazy until my whole heart can collapse and drop down to my guts. )': It seriously hurts.

 

                       Have you ever feel like when you know you already have a girlfriend/boyfriend and you like someone else too but you know you already have someone else? Well I do...and she is even my girlfriends friend ( Epic -.-" ). I don't know whether it's stupid or not. Hmm, well I know I can't be with her because I have someone to take care. Even she said that when I confessed to her.

                      Well, I gtg now...I just wanna sleep it off. Bye </3

                                                                                                                                                              - marc

Understanding is most of the times....hard.

                   Understanding someone's feelings is hard, because most people don't open up their selves. Hmm....but when they open up to others, as in the person they love, that person they love is just too....how do I say? Urmm, stupid or stubborn. 


                   To me, these people are idiots...when we don't open up to them, they will tell us " Hey, you should not keep things in you, you can tell me anything...just be open. Don't be afraid, I won't hurt you. " And when we decide to open up to them they just keep saying " I'm sorry but I can't accept that. " or " Please, I don't like that. " or they will either laugh at you or say something bad about you. 


                   I understand when someone has a boyfriend or girlfriend but their partners sometimes ignore them, they think that their partners don't want them anymore. They'll try to find someone else. When they do, they are as happy as they used to be and don't bother about their other partner. Then suddenly, after a few days, their REAL partners comes to them and says " Hey, Im sorry I ignored you...I was too busy. Can you forgive me? " and they realise that they were just busy. So they tell their so called Backup Plan that their partner was just to busy and it was all a misunderstanding. They expect you to tell them that it's okay and you should go and continue your life with them. One thing they don't UNDERSTAND is that, we are hurt. 


                   So next time, just think before you do something to hurt us. We are humans and we all have feelings.   

Hard Times

You know I can’t go on with any regret
Our relationship is hard like a game of roulette
We're off and on so constantly
And you cheating... Come on, honestly.

This is a hard thing to say but needs to be said
I can’t go on being with you… sometimes I'd rather be dead
You treat me so bad and make me cry
Don’t worry anymore, no need to lie.

You have hurt me a lot and I want you to know
I will never love you again so let me go
I’ve made up my mind, I’ve made my choice
I soon will be happy and able to rejoice.

It’s over now you should think long and hard
Maybe next time you won’t cheat and be a retard
I loved you so much and you acted like normal
You even let me fall.

I treated you no less than my queen
You went behind my back and kissed someone else
You lost my trust you broke my heart
Now I need to reboot and maybe restart.

You drink too much and cheat even more
I hate you so much you’re a cheap filthy whore
You hurt me so bad and it makes me sick.

How Come

How is that I cry all night,
Yet all you do is smile 
And think everything is all right
How is it that when I look up at you
You can't look me in my eyes
And when ever I want to talk 
All you want to do is make me cry

Is it that you take pleasure in playing games with my heart
Ever since I've given it to you all you can do is tear it apart

How is it you declare your love to me one day
And yet I see you on some other guys arm the next day
How is it that I can kiss you and look you in the eyes
And then you silently turn around and tell me so many lies

How is it that you were able to make me feel so low
That I wanted to pack my things and get ready to go

How come I'm only yours when the time is right
How come when ever I want to love you. You always want to fight

How come you want to deny your love for me 
And turn your back so fast
But don't forget I'm the one who loved you
And held you in the past

When you were in pain it was only me there standing by your side
When you wanted to run and leave I was the one ready to ride

When you had so many doubts and you couldn't find your way
I was the one who knew what ever to say

But you can't take my love for granted 
And expect me to wait till the time is right
Because I'm tired of not being your number one girl
And always kept out of people's sight

At times I want to get back at you 
And cause you so much pain
But even if I did do that
I know there would be nothing to gain

You couldn't have stayed with the good man
Only run to the trash.
Yea I'm going to miss you. Yea I might cry
Yea I might look at you when you pass by
But the heart you once had of mine is no longer there
You can be with them other boys. 
But they can never compare
To the love that I gave you
So when you finally realize that
Just give me my thanks.. But 
Just don't come back

Why Did Things Have To Change?

I was Just thinking
It's quite interesting
How the last time we saw each other
We talked to one another
About our relationship
And all the things we did
From a normal handshake
To a hug which was quite fake
Your arm around me
You sitting on my knew
A kiss on the cheek
Till our lips had the courage to seek
One another's lips
Which set my heart off fast
Everytime I wished it last
Forever and ever
And for it to end never
But what do we know
When I watched you go
I knew it was the last time
For your lips to touch mine
I tried to get the idea out of my head
And think of all the good times instead
But reality haunted me
Until I finally could see
We couldn't be together
For all the things you ever
Did to me
Hurt me
I didn't want to do it
But the more I thought about it
The more I felt it was the right thing
You took it more easily than I expected
But my heart was infected
Your excuse was that your love for me faded
But yet you still waited
for me to end it between us
And for me to make the big fuss
I stayed at home and cried
While you were on the other side
Having lots of fun
The pain you showed was none
Who knows how you really felt
Maybe all your pain you held
But I couldn't get over things
Kept looking at those key rings
Which you gave to me last Christmas
When everything was the best
What hurt me like hell
Was The way you moved on so well
I mean I was happy for you
But I wished I could do that too
You had a new girlfriend the next week
When I was still very weak
I was starting to get stronger
But that made the pain last longer
The person you are now
Is not who you were then
I miss my old life
My new one hurts as much as a knife
Cutting into my heart
For the fact that we had to part
Is just so stupid
I just wish I was once again just a kid
When life was so much easier
I didn't always have to shed a tear
Over a girl I loved so very much
My heart she did once touch
But now she is just hurting it!
Forgetting it!
Destroying it!
Killing it!

She And Me

She smiles, I cry.
She's brave, I’m shy.
She loves, I’m alone.
She’s amazing, I’m unknown.
She’s beautiful, I’m a mess.
She’s happy, I’m depressed.
She’s a fake, I am real.
My mask is perfect, she hides me.

Battle Within Myself

Have you ever sat up at night,
And just let your barrier down?
Brick by brick.
I've sat in silence and cried..
Plenty of times.
I've let it defeat me,
Made me think I'm worthless,
I let the burden of my thoughts get to me.
Like safety pins and razors..

I regret it,
Now I've got the scars..
They remind me..
Of how the scarlet red trickled down my skin.
I regret the pleasure it gave me,
How I felt I needed it to happen.

I regret that I let my family and friends..
Down. Discover. Drown in pain.
All because..
I let the anxiety and wretchedness reach me.
I let it control me..
The pain, The pleasure.
It gave me peace.

Makes me cringe.

The thoughts I think.
Overtake me sometimes,
Sometimes..
I like to go back.
To the feelings,
To The way it was cold against my skin.


Sometimes..
I think I'm good enough to stop.
But something reminds me.
I'm not..

Just sometimes..
I'd like to end it all..

Only sometimes.

Crimson Blood And Poison Tears

Rain, rain, go away,
Because of you the pain will stay.
Slit my throat, cut out my heart,
Leave me here, tear it apart.

Poison tears stream down my face,
My heart beats at a steady pace
As I try to stand again;
Alone and standing in the rain.

I don’t need you anymore…
Is what I think while tears pour.
I hate you like I hate my life;
But love is what cuts like a knife.

Love is death and death is you;
Its pain stains like a black tattoo.
Those memories come back again
And bind me in the ropes of pain.

Crimson blood streams down my head
Like a long, silk ribbon, tied by a thread,
To a platinum bullet, a hole in my skull…

...Now just a memory that’s faded and dull.

It's been 2 months since I had open my blog...sorry btw, it has been a very emotional month. The girl whom I love so much still doesn't understand my pain...which it sucks for that person because she doesn't have any feelings. Anyways I'm gonna post more emo stuffs...enjoy reading hurts.

Lost...

      When people say they lost something it has different meanings...like; "I've lost my phone" or "I've lost my BB" or "I've lost my D***"....but to me, lost means losing my life, my health, my religion and my love one. 

       When something is lost, you can never get it back....I hate it when I lose something that is so important to my life. Its like you've lost yourself...

       I miss her but she doesn't so what the heck...its like she doesn't have any feelings. I wasted all my love for her and everything that I've done for her was ignored and it will never be remembered....

       I wonder what is going through her mind now... O.O ...

Marc.